Further east, a suburban home in Apple Valley burned down after a troubled woman doused it with gasoline, struck a match, and tried to kill herself with a screwdriver. This news reminded me of Drowning Mona, a movie about people who drive Yugos. The film starred Neve Campbell, whose good looks and snowy forename embodied the aesthetics of a frosty and fiery winter apocalypse.

In my opinion, one of the best recurring moments of fire and ice is the Winter Olympic torch—the flames I mean, not the related ceremonies. I think it’s great to watch televised Nordic ski racing, even if you have to listen to Al Trautwig’s stupid commentary. But since we can’t look forward to that again until 2014, it’s good to have other icy hot distractions.

Snowy volcanos usually do it for me. Right around our first snowfall this winter, I started listening to the band Torche. Because I’m not super hip on the music scene, I sometimes fall a few years and/or decades behind the state of the art. In this case, I was blasting “Snowblind,” the classic Black Sabbath tune, in honor of our forthcoming snow-mageddon. Then I realized Ozzy’s howling was not literally about snow, but about cocaine. Pleased at having unraveled this metaphor, I decided my chops were in shape for something more current. I came across Torche while browsing “top-rated” heavy metal playlists on the iTunes music store; although, technically, I think their genre is something more like sludge rock or stoner metal. Their melodies whirl atop heavy, drop-tuned guitar riffs, but in major keys. And I think this what really elevates them over any other “metal” band I’ve heard; it transforms the doom and gloom into something more ambiguous and interesting.

Yesterday evening, we endured the winter solstice and crossed into Rumple Minze season. If there’s ever a beverage that represents fire and ice, it’s the oddly-fascist 100-proof peppermint schnapps. Rumple Minze is to your esophagus as Gold Bond is to your dermis. The frozen menthol burn pairs well with hot chocolate, offering a sultry taste redolent of a tryst between the Swiss Miss and Princess Teegra. Another good winter cocktail is the “Grolar Bear” (Ursus horribilus maritimus), a beige blend of peppermint schnapps and bourbon.

In the spirit of the season, let's raise our glasses to the heroes and champions, artists and adventures, lovers, brothers, sisters, and Others that make the world hot and cold. Cheers, and happy holidays!