Many years ago, a brilliant kindergarten teacher asked her students to dictate recipes for their favorite dishes. A friend of mine happened to be in that class. As you can see, the children’s parents had some poor, to say the least, eating habits. At least it helps explain why my generation is so fat:

Barbecue Chicken: You take some chicken and then you take some barbecue sauce and you put it on the stove in a pan. That’s all. Cook for ten seconds.

Banana Pudding: Add in some whooped cream and stir it. Then kind of put some water inside and then mix it two times. That’s all.

Bean Burritos: You buy them first. Of course you do that. You take them out of the package. You put em in the microwave, if you have one. If you don’t, then you can’t make any. You push one, then zero-zero (I don’t know what that means). Then you take it out. Then turn it around. Then push one-zero-zero again. Then take it out and put cheese on it. Put it back in. Push two-zero-zero. Take it out. Then you eat it. But don’t burn your tongue.

Cheetos: First you gotta put cheese. Then you put it inside the stove. Wait. Then you take it out and eat it.

Pancakes: Use special oil, but I don’t know what it’s called. You take this, sort of like dip, and scoop it up and then dump it onto this pancake maker and then the pancake comes.

Taco Bells: You can put the thing in the microwave. When it’s all done you can put tomatoes, lettuce and cheese. Then you can have it.

Breakfast Thing: Take bread, you take an egg and boil it. Then you cut a hole out of the bread. Then you put the egg inside the hole. That’s all.

Steak: You kill a cow and get the meat out of it. Then you put some stuff on it (if you want). Then put it in the oven.

“S” on a Shingle: You make it with potatoes and hamburger. You get potatoes there first. Then you put hamburger on top of it. Then you can put corn on top if you want.

Salad: You put some cheese in it and then you put those green things. Then you put the whatever it was called (the stuff you dump on). You have those little seeds that you can eat.

Enchiladas: You make it with two eggs. Put some dough. You gotta put ice in. Stir it up. Then you gotta keep mixing it up. The you gotta put it into the oven. Then you take it out. Then you wait ‘til it gets cold. Next you gotta stir again to make sure it’s right.

Cheese Sandwiches: I make these all the time for my Mom. Mayonnaise, cheese, and bread. Two pieces of cheese and mayonnaise on both sides of the bread. Then salad. Then you put ‘em together. Then you eat.

Salad: You put lettuce inside the bowl. Then you put “proutons” on it. Then you put… what is that stuff you put on top of it?

Tomato Soup: I love tomato soup. You squeeze tomato juice in a bowl. Then we put crackers in it.

Pancakes: Flour, salt… and I can’t think of the rest. And then you put it on a plate and set it on the table.

Baloney Sandwich: You take two pieces of bread and put baloney on it and white stuff and cheese. Then you put another piece of bread on. That’s all.

Macaroni: You boil it and you put em in. Then you watch T.V. or something. Then you put butter and the orange stuff in. Then it’s done.

I hope that teacher understands how brilliant the cookbook really is. I would really like to see a series of YouTube videos in which people honestly try to follow these recipes. Get on it people.